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BURNING CALORIES I get plenty of exercise – jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines. Source: Reader's digest
GHOSTS, BAD LIARS Question: Why are ghosts bad liars? Answer: Because you can see right through them! Source: Reader's digest
BEES ALWAYS STICKY Question: Why is a bee's hair always sticky? Answer: Because it uses a honey comb! Source: Reader's digest
TOOK A DAY OFF! I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off. Source: Reader's digest
WAAOOH! IT'S FRIDAY! Nothing ruins a Friday more than an understanding that today is Tuesday. Source: Reader's digest
COMMUTE JOB Sometimes I feel like there isn’t much difference between my commute to work and the Oregon Trail. Source: Reader's digest
NUMBERS Analyst: I can give you the numbers, but you can’t go public with it. Marketing Manager: I’m not going to go public with it. I’ll just present it at a meeting. Analyst: Who’s going to be at the meeting? Marketing Manager: It’s a stakeholder meeting. So whoever wants to come. You know, it’s open to the public. Source: Reader's digest
GOD PLAYING SIMS You know when you walk into a room and forget why you went in there? That’s God playing Sims, he just cancelled your action. Source: GameDesigning
MARGIN OF ERROR Here’s some advice: At a job interview, tell them you’re willing to give 110 percent. Unless the job is a statistician. Source: Reader's digest
HITLER A BETTER PLAYER? Me and my friend were talking about Call of Duty earlier and he said, “I bet Hitler would have been a better player than you ever will.” Confused, I asked him why. He replied, “Well, because he’s got a kill-to-death ratio of 6 million to 1.” Source: GameDesigning
YOU CAN'T TEACH AN OLD DOG TO FLY A woman called our airline customer-service desk asking if she could take her dog on board.“Sure,” I said, “as long as you provide your own kennel.” I further explained that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around, and roll over.The customer was flummoxed: “I’ll never be able to teach him all of that by tomorrow!” Source: Reader's digest
Dating a single mother: It’s like continuing from somebody else’s saved game. Source: GameDesigning
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